I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
