you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
