We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
