Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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