Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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