I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
