If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
FUCK WHALES
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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