your room smells of hookers.
And success
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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