He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
