we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize