apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
