So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
