I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
