am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
