i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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