420 ftw
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
