look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
