Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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