I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
