You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
