I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
