People in love make me want to vomit
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
