I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
