Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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