the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
