I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
