i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
