the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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