What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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