Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
