I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
