How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
