i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
