: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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