even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
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She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
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I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize