Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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