living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
