so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
