She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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