Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
