I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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