Say something about gay babies.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
