I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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