he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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