don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
