called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
