The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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