please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
