Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
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It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
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We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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