i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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