So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
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