she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
