Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk