he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
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All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
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I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.