3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
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she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
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It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?