you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
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Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
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After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine