if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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