I just cut my nipple shaving
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Randomize
