i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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