I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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