went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
sex in a hospital.. check
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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